Trading in Anger: lessons from Buddhism (selected readings from the internet)

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

The Buddha

All humans are susceptible to anger.  Buddhism in general teaches that anger is a destructive emotion and that there is no good example of it.  The Buddha taught that there are 3 evils:

• greed (attachment);
• hatred (anger);
• delusion (ignorance).  

The basic problem is that emotions like anger and hatred are based on projections and exaggeration, not on objectivity or wisdom, and thus basically incorrect.  It is therefore in our own self-interest to purify and transform them.  To completely eliminate these negative emotions from our mind is a lengthy psychological process, requiring study, mindfulness, reflection and honest observation of one's own mind.

When you express your anger, either verbally or with physical violence, you are feeding the seed of anger, and it becomes stronger in you.  Only understanding and compassion can neutralize anger.  Remember that compassion takes courage. 

Do not confuse aggression with strength, and non-action with weakness.  Buddhism teaches that the opposite is true.  

• Weakness: giving in to the impulses of anger, allowing anger to hook us and jerk us around.  
• Strength: it takes strength to acknowledge the fear and selfishness in which our anger usually is rooted.  It also takes discipline to meditate in the flames of anger.

How do you channel angry energy into something positive and constructive?

Meditation can be the ultimate cure to completely eliminating anger from your mind. In the beginning, one can do analytical meditations, but also meditation on compassion, love and forgiveness reduce anger as well.  Ultimately, the realization of emptiness of inherent existence eradicates all delusions, like anger.

“Conquer anger by non-anger. Conquer evil by good. Conquer miserliness by liberality. Conquer a liar by truthfulness.”

The Buddha

Step 1:  Be Mindful 

This means being aware of anger as it arises.

The cultivation of the state of ‘mindfulness’ is considered as the best guard against anger and all other unwholesome states of the mind.  Mindfulness is "pure awareness"; the presence of mind; realizing and knowing clearly any happenings at that moment of time.  Persistent meditative practices to note the arising of anger can eventually lead one to detect the arising of anger before it arises (and erupts).

Step 2:  Stop

Stop everything;  breathe deeply and sit still with the heat and tension of anger.

Step 3:  Patience

Practice patience.  Patience is the main antidote to anger.  This means waiting to act or speak until you can do so without causing harm.

Step 4:  Acknowledge

Acknowledge the anger objectively and dispassionately; accept its presence but do not run away from it or suppress it.  Honestly identify the cause of your anger.

Step 5:  Accept

Accept reality (i.e. the situation) for what it is.  Realise the Noble Truth of Suffering; that problems and frustration is a basic fact of life, nothing is perfection so you should not expect perfection (i.e. be self-delusional). 

Get a relative sense of perspective: ask yourself if this situation is that important to be upset about, in a life where death can arrive at any moment?

Step 6:  Forgive (and move on)

Quiet the internal voice of self-blame (and other-blame) by meditating on forgiveness.

• Forgiveness is a form of realism. It doesn't deny, minimize, or justify what others have done to us or the pain that we have suffered. It encourages us to look squarely at those old wounds and see them for what they are. And it allows us to see how much energy we have wasted and how much we have damaged ourselves by not forgiving.
• Forgiveness is an internal process. It can't be forced, and it doesn't come easy. It brings with it great feelings of wellness and freedom. But we experience this only when we want to heal and when we are willing to work for it.
• Forgiveness is a sign of positive self-esteem. We no longer identify ourselves by our past injuries and injustices. We are no longer victims. We claim the right to stop hurting when we say, "I'm tired of the pain, and I want to be healed." At that moment, forgiveness becomes a possibility – although it may take time and much hard work before we finally achieve it.
• Forgiveness is letting go of the past. It doesn't erase what happened, but it does allow us to lessen and perhaps even eliminate the pain of the past. By letting go the pain from our past, it no longer dictates how we live in the present, and it no longer determines our future.  It also means that we no longer need resentment and anger as an excuse for our shortcomings. We don't need them as a weapon to punish others nor as a shield to protect ourselves by keeping others away. And most importantly, we don't need these feelings to identify who we are. We become more than merely victims of our past. 
• Forgiveness is no longer wanting to punish those who hurt us. It is understanding that the anger and hatred that we feel toward them hurts us far more than it hurts them. It is seeing how we hide ourselves in our anger and how those feelings prevent us from healing. It is discovering the inner peace that becomes ours when we let go of the past and forget vengeance.
• Forgiveness is moving on. It is recognizing all that we have lost because of our refusal to forgive. It is realizing that the energy that we spend hanging on to the past is better spent on improving our present and our future. It is letting go of the past so that we can move on.

We all have been hurt. And at one time or another most of us have made the mistake of trying to run away from the past. The problem is that no matter how fast or how far we run, the past always catches up to us – and usually at the most inopportune time. When we forgive, we are dealing with the past in such a way that we no longer have to run.

The Anger-eating Demon

Retold from an ancient Buddhist Story, by Nyanaponika Thera

Once there lived a demon who had a peculiar diet: he fed on the anger of others. And as his feeding ground was the human world, there was no lack of food for him. He found it quite easy to provoke a family quarrel, or national and racial hatred. Even to stir up a war was not very difficult for him. And whenever he succeeded in causing a war, he could properly gorge himself without much further effort; because once a war starts, hate multiplies by its own momentum and affects even normally friendly people. So the demon's food supply became so rich that he sometimes had to restrain himself from over-eating, being content with nibbling just a small piece of resentment found close-by.

But as it often happens with successful people, he became rather overbearing and one day when feeling bored he thought: "Shouldn't I try it with the gods?" On reflection he chose the Heaven of the Thirty-three Deities, ruled by Sakka, Lord of Gods. He knew that only a few of these gods had entirely eliminated the fetters of ill-will and aversion, though they were far above petty and selfish quarrels. So by magic power he transferred himself to that heavenly realm and was lucky enough to come at a time when Sakka the Divine King was absent. There was none in the large audience hall and without much ado the demon seated himself on Sakka's empty throne, waiting quietly for things to happen, which he hoped would bring him a good feed. Soon some of the gods came to the hall and first they could hardly believe their own divine eyes when they saw that ugly demon sitting on the throne, squat and grinning. Having recovered from their shock, they started to shout and lament: "Oh you ugly demon, how can you dare to sit on the throne of our Lord? What utter cheekiness! What a crime! you should be thrown headlong into the hell and straight into a boiling cauldron! You should be quartered alive! Begone! Begone!"

But while the gods were growing more and more angry, the demon was quite pleased because from moment to moment he grew in size, in strength and in power. The anger he absorbed into his system started to ooze from his body as a smoky red-glowing mist. This evil aura kept the gods at a distance and their radiance was dimmed.

Suddenly a bright glow appeared at the other end of the hall and it grew into a dazzling light from which Sakka emerged, the King of Gods. He who had firmly entered the undeflectible Stream that leads Nibbana-wards, was unshaken by what he saw. The smoke-screen created by the gods' anger parted when he slowly and politely approached the usurper of his throne. "Welcome, friend! Please remain seated. I can take another chair. May I offer you the drink of hospitality? Our Amrita is not bad this year. Or do you prefer a stronger brew, the vedic Soma?"

While Sakka spoke these friendly words, the demon rapidly shrank to a diminutive size and finally disappeared, trailing behind a whiff of malodorous smoke which likewise soon dissolved.

— Based on Samyutta Nikaya, Sakka Samyutta, No. 22